THE COMPARATIVE ADVANTAGES OF THE NICARAGUAN PUBLIC TRANSPORT SYSTEM VERSUS SYDNEY.

The Nicaraguan public transport system is comprised almost entirely old American school buses painted in all sorts of wonderful colours (commonly referred to as chicken buses). Said chicken buses, herein referred to as CBs, and the system of transportation itself has many benefits over a more “refined” system such as the STA network of Sydney. For example:

EVERYBODY NEEDS A LITTLE “FRESCO”, “VITAMINES” OR SALVATION SOME TIME RIGHT?

On Sydney buses, you cannot eat or drink or you could technically face a fine or even be refused entry to the bus, you must suffer the parchness and grumbling stomach until you reach your destination in 55 minutes time (for the 10km journey…). In Nicaragua, drink vendors are kindly welcomed on to the bus offering all kinds of exotic “frescos” such as dragon fruit or chicha (a sugar and maiz concoction) in little plastic bags with (if you’re lucky) a little straw sticking out the top. All this for a mere 5 cordobas! (20 cents). Sometimes, you can even lean out the window and buy them! Other items I’ve bought on buses include cookies, enchiladas and tacos with cabbage salad.

Other vendors that frequent the morning run to school include “The Vitamin Man” selling everything from throat lozenges to iron tablets and selling them in doses of one, and the Apocalypse man preaching salvation to all… unless you’re a gringo.. we seem to be exempt.

IN A HURRY, NO PROBLEM, SO ARE WE!

If you’re in a hurry to get on or off the bus, don’t worry, the kind conductors will allow you on or off without even coming to a complete stop. In fact, I have seen conductors move out of the moving bus onto the ladder that goes up to the top of the bus, climb onto the roof, obtain the bicycle, backpack or basket of veges he is looking for and lower it down off the side of the bus just as the bus slows enough for the owner to take it off his hands. He will then climb back inside the bus as the bus picks up speed again of 40-50km/hr.

WE WANT YOU!

In stark contrast to the STA buses of Sydney who generally employ an attitude of “Too late? Too bad!”, CB buses bid ferociously for your patronage. I have run waving at a bus for it to stop and it has spotted me, 100 metres down the road, stopped, and then reversed in order to pick me up – now that’s service!

As one passes by the bus terminal at 9.30 in the morning to the welcoming cries of “Escuelita, escuelita, escuelitaescaulitaculitalita!!!”. There is a general insistence by each conductor that their bus will be departing first and that you would be mad not to board their bus immediately. Admittedly, what appears to be endearing love of the job, can be explained by the system of salary of conductors which works on commissions.. but nonetheless, it’s nice to feel special :)

THE GOLDEN RULE OF CHICKEN BUSES.

Think of the days in Sydney when you arrive at the bus stop 25 min early, only to still be standing there 45 min later, 13 buses have already gone by, but they have 15 people standing, and the driver has refused to let anyone else on.. Let’s contrast that to the golden rule of chicken bus travel - “THERE IS ALWAYS ROOM FOR ONE MORE”.

In contrast to the Sydney peak hour hell, the conductors on CB buses will vigilantly hail you on approach from about 200 metres, body protruding from the open door of the moving bus (to of course ensure that the CB bus punctuality is not impeded). It does not matter if the CB bus (or microbus) that you are on has a seating capacity of 22 and there are currently 31 people, including 2 babies, 5 sacks of rice and 3 chickens in a bag already on the bus. The rule number 1 of CB buses always applies – “THERE IS ALWAYS ROOM FOR ONE MORE”.

And let’s face it, there is a secondary benefit to the Golden Rule, with all that snuggling, it’s really easy to make new friends!